Housekeeper or keeping house?

I remember a conversation that I had with my mom when I was maybe 13-years old.  I was complaining because I did not want to do the dishes.  She said that I needed to help out and learn how to do dishes.  I told her that I did not need to learn because one day I would have a maid.  She asked me how I would afford a maid.  I told her that I would be a professional basketball player!  I was 5'3" at that age and I have not grown any taller since, so that career did not pan out.  That, and the fact that I wasn't as good at basketball as I thought I was.

Not long ago, there was a time when I had 3 children under the age of 2 and I felt like I needed help with housework and cooking because all my time went to caring for my babies.  Oh how I wished I had someone to help me (besides my husband, of course!).  Once my husband earned a new position in Cairo with his employer, we learned that it was not uncommon for Americans (embassy staff, expats, etc.) to have some sort of domestic help because it was so affordable.  The men who held the position my husband now has had used the same full-time Egyptian housekeeper for the past 8 years.  We expressed an interest in retaining her services during our tour.  I wondered if full-time would be too much for me (about 6 hrs/day, 5 days/week), but I knew that she wanted full-time work and I thought I would enjoy it.  I have often wished throughout my life that I might have a maid!  And when I got to Egypt, my “dream” came true.   

Our housekeeper was much more than a maid.  In addition to cleaning the house, she did laundry, ironed, cooked, babysat, ran errands, and was able to use her Arabic to help us with any interaction with locals that came up.  I surely enjoyed not having to clean or cook or run errands, but on the other hand, I missed those things.  As a stay-at-home-mom, that is what I am used to doing.  I take care of my home and family.  I felt so out of sorts and kind of lazy.  Also, I worried about my kids getting lazy.  I asked our housekeeper not to pick up my children’s toys because I wanted to make sure that my girls understood the importance of responsibility and contributing to the order of our home.  The other day I asked my daughter B to pick up her toys so our housekeeper could vacuum her room.  My daughter's response was, "Oh, [the housekeeper] can do it!"  I knew we needed a change.  But our housekeeper was more than just someone that cleaned.  I was grateful to have someone here that spoke the language and knew the culture to help me navigate in this new world.  She would organize workers coming to our apartment for repairs and watch them as they worked.  She knew all the places that we order from and how to order groceries, dry cleaning pick up, etc.  I do not even know who our dry cleaner is or how to contact them. 

I love having everything so clean all the time, but having someone in my home all the time comes with a lack of privacy.  Also, it was tough if her cleaning didn't meet my expectations.  For example, it was hard for me to keep telling her that the dishes she washed were not always all that clean.  I would have to check them and often rewash them which was frustrating.  I didn’t enjoy having to correct her or tell her when she failed to meet my expectations.  Her constant presence in my home also made me feel uncomfortable mothering my daughters.  My girls felt it, too.  For example, I am not a good singer but in the past we would sing together (my girls do not yet know that I can't carry a tune).  The other day one of my daughters mentioned that we never sing anymore.  I think I stopped because I was embarrassed to be singing in front of a near stranger.  My daughter was right, so we started singing some songs (with the door to the family room closed) and during a song my housekeeper knocked on the door to ask me a question.  Our singing stopped.  Our housekeeper gave us our space but I always knew that our space could be invaded at any time.  I never felt comfortable if I had wanted to make it a pajama day.  And it was always uncomfortable having her clean while I was home. 

I decided that I wanted her to go to part-time.  Not only did I want some more of my privacy back, but I felt like she did not have enough to do to make her work here full-time.  My housekeeper was not happy with me wanting to cut back her days; it amounted to a pay cut.  She has a strong personality (and so do I), so we sometimes clashed.  I felt like she was argumentative.  When I told her that I didn't like arguing with her, she would argue with me about not arguing...ugh!  I started to feel even more uncomfortable in my own home.  Sometimes I wonder if our communication breakdown had to do with the fact that English was not her first language and our cultures are so different.  When I perceived her as being rude or talking down to me, maybe that was not her intention because maybe she did not have any other words to use.  Then again, 93% of communication is nonverbal, so I don't know.  I do know that we hired her to help me, but instead, she was stressing me out. 

She never told me about whether or not she would be willing to transition to part time.  When I brought the subject up again, it turned into more of an argument.  So two days ago I told her that having her at all in our home was not going to work.  By arguing with me and creating an uncomfortable environment, I felt like we had passed a point of no return.  It was a TOUGH conversation.  Because she insisted on being paid at the beginning of the month (which I found odd because I have never had a job where I was paid first), I wanted her to finish off the month.  Per the agreement my husband and I made, I planned to give her half a month's salary on her last day as a sort of severance.  But before I could even explain my intention, she basically quit.  She told me that if I didn't want her to work here, then she would not come back the next day.  That was fine with me; I was DONE.  I felt bad.  I still feel badly about it.  She had been counting on us and depending on the income.  I have never fired anyone before and it did not feel good.  But I had to do what was best for my family.  As crazy as it sounds, I am happy to not only have my privacy back but also my responsibilities.  Maybe I will feel differently when I have this spacious apartment to tackle by myself.  Maybe in a couple of weeks I will look for someone that can come once a week to clean.  And iron clothes; I hate ironing so much!  As an aside, one time when I got the ironing board out and had it standing up against the wall, my twins were trying to figure out what it was.  One twin (A) told her sister (B) that it was "Mom's skate board."

I hope I don't sound ungrateful.  I guess it comes down to the fact that I do not mind cleaning my own home and some things I really enjoy doing.  I had a hard time with her doing our laundry (after a lot of trial and error I think she was finally doing a good job and not ruining our clothes).  I did enjoy her cooking.  I will miss her Chicken Milano and a melt-in-your-mouth flank steak and mushrooms over noodles dinner.  It was great to have her cook AND clean up the kitchen.  I enjoy cooking and baking but not cleaning up the mess.  I loved having someone to watch my girls who I could trust so I could do an errand or go on a date with my husband.  But I can honestly say that since moving to Cairo last month, yesterday was the first day that I have felt comfortable in my own home.  As strange as it may sound I could not get used to having a full time housekeeper.   Little did I know way back when I was a teenage, aspiring professional basketball player that I would someday have a maid (in Egypt), but I would not want one.  Life is full of surprises!

Feeling the Love

Whenever I move to a new place there is almost always a period of loneliness.  I left a full life in New Mexico.  My kids went to preschool.  I took care of my family and home.  I ran errands.  I shopped at Costco and Target.  I played Frisbee with my dog.  I had friends that I could easily meet for lunch or at the park.  Life was easy and busy and full.  We chose to move because it would be an adventure for our family and good for my husband's career.  I am happy we are here but sometimes I sure do miss my old life.  (I also miss having high water pressure, a garbage disposal, ice, and fruit that doesn't need to be soaked in bleach water to kill the parasites but I am learning how to get by without such luxuries.)

Holidays are a big deal and celebrated in our home.  At the end of January I started getting worried that my children would be disappointed on Valentine's Day since we did not know any other children.  I worried that they would be sad to not have any cards.  Sure I could give them a card and some candy but I knew it would not meet their expectation.  Since being in preschool last year they knew how much fun it was to make cards and receive them.  Late one night I had an idea and posted it on Facebook:

I have a favor to ask: I am trying really hard to make this move as easy as possible on my kids (and so far it hasn't been easy). My kids live for holidays and with Valentine's Day coming up I fear that they will be really bummed out. They love exchanging cards with friends BUT the problem is we haven't met any kids yet. So I am wondering if anyone wants to exchange cards with my kids. You can message me your address (if you don't think I already have it) so we can make your child/children a card/s and you can send us Valentines.  You can like this and I will know you want to participate or send me a private message. A, B and C will be so thrilled! Thank you friends and family!

I went to bed hoping and praying that I would get a positive response.  Boy, oh boy, the response was incredible!  I had so many messages and comments that I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  I realized that it meant so much to me to get such a positive response from so many of my friends and family.  I had been so lonely and the outpouring of love from Puerto Rico to Las Vegas helped me to realize how blessed I am.  Some of the responses surprised me because they were from friends that I went to high school with and have not seen since.  I left Michigan for college and never moved back.  I still consider it home even though I have lived elsewhere for more years than I have lived there.  Adults without young children responded promising to send cards.  I was amazed with all the comments and messages promising to send cards.  I realized that sure, I move around a lot and it is tough, BUT I would not have so many friends - all over the world! - if I just stayed home.

Then my girls got to work making hearts.  For days they made hearts.  They enjoyed using markers, glitter, and stickers to decorate their cards.  It was great practice for them to write their names.  Unfortunately, my husband was out of the country on Valentine's Day (he has agreed to write a post all about his trip to Jordan) so we were unable to pick up our mail. BUT when we did -WOW!  It was so touching reading so many cards from children sending their love to my children.  A dear friend had her 5th grade class make cards (and rubber band bracelets) for my girls.  They were so sweet!  A lot of candy was sent, too, which my girls have LOVED.  One of my twins declared it the "best day ever!"

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who sent a sweet card.  Each one was greatly appreciated.  In the beginning, I reached out for my girls.  In the end, I realized that they were not the only ones feeling the love from so many friends and family; this Cairo Mommy did, too!

Hard at work

They were thrilled to have so much mail to open.

We loved the Egyptian drawings.

Each and every card has been cherished by my daughters...thank you!

More than Pyramids and Camels

I finally saw some pyramids and camels!  It was very exciting and exhausting.  We toured.....

The Step Pyramid - FINALLY!  Like a trip back in time, the Step Pyramid was the first pyramid (hopefully of many) I had the pleasure of visiting.  I am not kidding when I say we were the first - and almost only - ones to visit this morning.  On the one hand, it's an advantage because it makes for some great photographs that aren't smothered with camera-clicking tourists.  But because the tourism industry in Egypt has taken such a hit over the past few years, the kitsch vendors are RELENTLESS.  I feel for them.  They are desperate.  But they need a lesson in salesmanship because nonstop harassment combined with unsolicited touching are not the right technique.  Honestly, if they would have toned it down a notch (or two!), I might have picked up a trinket.  I might have taken a ride on a camel for less than $2.00, but they are SO pushy that they just turned me off.  As with any survival situation, I learned quickly to say, "La!  Shukran." (No!  Thank you.) in Arabic.

The Step Pyramid

The Bent Pyramid - Probably the world's first - and biggest - example of why you should measure twice and cut once.  They got off to an angle that was too sharp to sustain architecturally.  So half way up they changed course and softened the angle.  One great aspect that this pyramid offers is the "finished look" these pyramids would have had on the outside.  Due to erosion over time, many of the pyramids have lost the smooth finish on its exterior.  But much of the Bent Pyramid retains that polished finish.

The Bent Pyramid - notice the AK-47

 The Tomb of Titi (Saqqara) -You wouldn't have guessed that under this pile of sand there lay beneath a magnificent tomb.  Down a narrow corridor about 4-5 feet tall, I hiked down into a beautifully preserved tomb with tiny hieroglyphics etched in stone covering every inch of the walls.  Our guide told us they were writings from the Book of the Dead.  Within the burial chamber itself the ceiling was covered with carvings of stars, but more like in the shape of a starfish.  Beneath the stars, a gigantic stone box - or sarcophagus - where the king's mummy would have been placed.  It was so cool!

I love this picture!  (My husband is such a great photographer.)

The rule for restoration work is that the new stone cannot match the original stone exactly.

The paint was made from crushed pomegranates mixed with egg whites.

The Red Pyramid - 3RD TIME'S A CHARM!  No steps.  No bends.  This pyramid is incredible!  It's the first of the perfectly triangular shaped pyramids like Giza, but older and just a bit shorter.  Its base is the second largest in Egypt, and it's 3rd in height.  It was built in 2600 B.C.  I can't even fathom how old that is.  That's more years before Christ was born than years that have past since he was born.  Crazy!  Oddly, this amazing pyramid isn't even hardly visited.  So little, in fact, that there were no vendors!  My husband and I took kind of a romantic stroll around the pyramid looking for a place for me to pee.  That was, until the man with an AK-47 showed up.  He was a police officer following us just to make sure we were safe.  Unfortunately, he kept me from - ahem - going potty.  There's not even a port-o-potty out here, folks.

The Red Pyramid - We loved being practically the only tourists.

Memphis, the first capital of Egypt - Thousands of years ago, this was the bustling capital of Egypt.  Not much remains to show for it, unfortunately.  But there is a "museum" with some incredible artifacts.  I had to giggle when the tour guide described one ancient carving dating back to 600 B.C. - or "quite new" as she put it.  Quite new?  I guess, when stuff is 2000 years older than that!  To put it in perspective, that's when Lehi, Nephi and the rest of his family at the opening of The Book of Mormon start their exodus out of Jerusalem.  Wow!  The standout is a gigantic statue of Ramses II.  There will be more on Ramses II later.  The guy had an amazing run as Pharaoh.  Some speculate that he was likely the Pharaoh during the persecution of Moses in the Old Testament.  His actual mummy is in the Museum of Antiquities in Cairo (coming up soon on our list of "Must Sees").

Ramses II

This was my first excursion outside the bustling metropolis of Cairo.  Once we broke out beyond the city's perimeter, the countryside really took on the rural feel I had read about in books, seen on TV and dreamt about.  There were forests of tall palm trees towering over fields of farmland.  Sugar cane.  Alfalfa. Little roadside stands selling neatly displayed fresh fruit like oranges and strawberries.  Some of them were stacked up in - what else? - a pyramid!  The people's clothing was fascinating.  The types of transportation incredible.  Tuk Tuks, motorcycle flatbeds, donkey-drawn wagons, stuff piled so high on a truck you'd think it would tip over.  So many vehicles - makes and models I've never seen before - kept together out of necessity by who knows how, and many painted with ornate decals and bright colors.  It was majestic and I felt transported back in time.  THIS was the Egypt I had imagined.

As majestic and surreal as my journey seemed to be, I was shocked by the magnitude of the dire poverty that surrounded me.  Looking out the windows on the left side of our tour van I saw all of these amazing agricultural scenes.  But on the right hand side we paralleled a canal that was so grotesquely polluted I couldn't ever have imagined the things I saw.  Even though the tourists sites were exciting and exquisite to visit, the reality of the poverty of the people living in the shadows of these timeless monuments was heartbreaking.  I had to hold back my tears as I sat in my air conditioned van looking out the window.  I have never seen such poverty.  There was so much garbage piled up in and near the water.  There was a truck dumping what I can only guess was sewage, from the look and smell, into the water.  I looked at the faces of such sweet children and wondered what their lives are like and if they are hungry.  I have never known true hunger.  I thought about, by comparison, my privileged American life.  I carry hand sanitizer with me everywhere.  I have for many years, especially since having kids and trying to keep their little hands clean.  After today I realized that I do not even know what dirty is!  I mean no disrespect, but the filth and squalor were indescribable.  Amidst the floating trash and debris, a man was washing his clothes in the canal.  Animals were wading through it and drinking from it.  I wonder if they knew there was a bloated dead animal just a short distance upstream. 

I am so grateful for the life I have.

The view out our left hand side window.

The view out our right hand side window.